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"Time bomb ticking and it's ready to blow,
I know that any given moment that it's set to explode"

Those are lyrics from the song Arrows Crossed by Major League. I feel they are simple enough and straight to the point of what I want to get at. It also plays into a certain idea from a book that I read a few weeks ago but also wrote about on here, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green.

Have you ever just looked at a situation, no matter what it is, and you just know that no matter what you are going to get the short end of the stick? For example you know you have a huge test coming up for a class you are already expecting to fail. You take the test and that is it, you know you are screwed even though you studied really hard. Now you are going to have to take a summer class, get a job to help pay for it, probably starting selling drugs as the job isn't paying enough, then you end up doing the drugs yourself, eventually you are caught and arrested then finally you are released and forced to live in a van down by the river. So kids, make sure you don't fail your test.

When I was reading The Fault In Our Stars the main character, Hazel Grace, was battling cancer all throughout the book. There comes a time where she becomes extremely frustrated with herself and her condition and considers herself a "time-bomb". She feels bad because her time on this earth, all she was doing was building up people until she "exploded" or, to simply put it, died. When she died she would cause countless amounts of pain to her parents and the boy she loved at the time, Augustus. Which is quite depressing when you look at it because as much as her parents did not want to admit, you and I know it is true.

Now I can't say I have been in Hazel's situation where I would be the one "exploding" but it always seems I am where Augustus is standing. It is pretty easy to tell, after four years of high school and a year of college, when things are about to go south. I have been apart of several different groups of friends and seen many many situations unfold before. Now I am not saying I can predict most outcomes or I am a social guru but I have been right about most things in the past 4-5 months about dealings with certain people and even the advice I have given to others. It probably seems at times that I am so realistic that it comes off pessimistic. I attribute that to the fact that humans suck rather than me being pessimistic. I can see the way things are now, I can compare them to how they were a month ago, hell even a few days ago at times and it is quite easy to realize that I am stuck in a no-win situation. Though when you realize you are there, I find it best to ride it out and enjoy it because either way you will lose whatever it is. I feel half of these situations are created from having too high expectations for yourself or the situation, which is something I do more than I like to admit. I always give the advice of keeping expectations low for good reason but you should always do as I say, not as I do. It is easy to give advice but when you are actually in a situation, feelings are hard to ignore. Well for me at least. Though Augustus seems to agree. "That's the thing about pain,' Augustus said, and then glanced back at me. 'It demands to be felt."

I have been on a real Transit kick lately so here is my favorite song by them with lyrics that are a bit fitting to me. Definitely give this song and the rest of their stuff a listen!

"It kills you to know that this world, it owes you nothing.

So just forget what you’re expecting. You’ll find half what you deserve."

I also renamed the blog because I want to expand more and having to relate everything to one show made it hard. Deal with it. You can still expect them to pop up though.

I met a "Celebrity" but I use that term loosely.

So I am sure everyone reading this has heard of Amanda Bynes not only due to her recent antics but to her show we watched as kids. Or well at least I did... Though as a kid I never thought I would meet someone who I saw on TV but today I did and well it wasn't what I expected.

Wednesday was like every other day of work, a long eight hour shift where I try to keep myself entertained. Usually it results in me sending out mass Snapchats but now are starting to become Vines. As always nothing happened all day as I was at one of the least exciting posts. I was on the lobby level, watching the doors to the outside deck/garden area and making sure everyone who went out there were guests of the hotel. Nothing really happened aside from one homeless guy, who smelled like dog piss, that I had to sit down and wait for my manager to come and escort him off the property. Other than that all I did was have small talk with random guests and just waited for my shift to come to a close.

All is normal but eventually I see a lady get off the escalators and walk down the hallway heading towards the hotel lobby. As I see her take a few steps off I immediately recognize her. Not as a celebrity but as the lady I have seen here since Friday who looks and acts like she is on drugs. She never caused any problems in my dealings with her and I never took a close look. She had long blonde hair but almost looked fake and wore large sunglasses despite it being like 10:00pm. It was weird but I was in Atlantic City, there are a lot of weird people. Only a few steps off the escalator she drops something and doesn't notice so being the great security guard I am I call out "Mam! You dropped something!" Simple. End of story right? You would think she picks it up and leaves. NOPE. She straight up stares at me. Like dead frozen in the middle of the walkway. It was probably only a few seconds but it felt like five minutes of her just looking at me. I was extremely confused. Eventually she turned around and picked up whatever it was that she dropped, seemed like a jacket of some sort. Then she walks over to me and lowers her glasses a bit and says "How did you know it was me?!?" but in a very low voice like she didn't want anyone to hear. The only thing that is really going through my head is just like "What the fuck is she talking about?" but obviously I was working so I couldn't say that. I just respond with an "Excuse me?" but politely obviously. She then takes her glasses completely off and says "How did  you know it was me Amanda?!?"

At that point it all clicked. I recognized her face and I remember reading in the news about her attacking someone who tried to take a picture of her in Atlantic City. There were also two girls probably in their mid-twenties who kept asking me if I saw her yet. I am in shock Amanda Bynes is standing in front of me. Not only that but in the way I figured out it was her. I would have NEVER guessed it was her until she said it. Now PLEASE someone tell me how me letting her know she dropped something results in me knowing who exactly she is. I am clueless so please feel free to hit me with your theories. Now she gets quite nervous and angry I know it is her. Even though she is the only one to blame for that.

"NO ONE can know that I am here tonight! I am here undercover for something" What the hell? Undercover? Okay. She said that all quite slurred and a bit slow. It was obviously b/s but whatever.... I went along with it.... I said not to worry and all those things to calm her down. Eventually she reaches into her purse and has something in her hand. Then she whispers "You better be quite"and puts a $10 into the front pocket of my blazer.  Alright everything before this was fucking weird but seriously. Why?! What?! I am trying so hard not to curse as I try to keep this clean but I am so full of confusion that the only way I can express myself is by yelling and cursing. I was extremely happy to accept it but I was still completely confused as to why she did it in the way she did. So after that she finally left and went on her way.

THEN. THEN. About an hour later she comes walking by to get on the escalators to get back to the casino floor. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to provoke a freak-out because I had no idea what she would do. Though as she walks by she gets slower as she is about 30-40 feet from me. She begins to slow down her walking with a combination of just pointing at me until she passes me. Literally says nothing. She just slowly walks by while pointing at me. The only thing I can think of is "What the hell is going on?". She finally passed. Went downstairs got drunk and gambled probably. Then the time came and my shift ended and hopefully she isn't back again tomorrow to creep me out. Unless I get more money. That would be cool. It was my first experience with a celebrity in a true setting and it was creepy. Well at least I have a story that makes me slightly more interesting than the kid who just watches Netflix and plays FIFA. I was thinking of saving the money and like framing it but Denny's seems like a much more enjoyable option.

There is only one thing left to do.

Church of the Good Shepherd

Well this past weekend I did something that I don't think I have ever done before in my life. I went to church on my own free-will and by myself. I bet most of you reading this probably still don't believe me. I mean I was, after all, the kid that sat in Philosophy and told the teacher that nothing I couldn't touch actually existed. That meant things like God, love and colors didn't actually exist, half of that was being an asshole teenager and the other half was just messing with the teacher. Most of the stuff I said in that class I didn't believe but it was quite funny just to say. Either way I was not a religious person and at times I was quite frustrated at what was suppose to be my church, the Catholic church.  The things they said or did that I generally disagreed with in almost every way, a perfect example is their stance on same-sex marriage.

Over the past few months though I decided to give religion in general a new chance but on my own terms. I knew I wanted to change from Catholic because their masses were boring, I DREADED going to them as I came close to falling asleep the entire time. I started out researching religions that were not even Christian denominations such as Islam and Buddhist but I found those too different for me to fully support, they had some great parts of them but not what I believe. Granted the fact I grew up Catholic probably resulted in it hard for me to believe in religions that are so different. So I went back and started to look at religions such as Lutheran, Methodist and Protestant. I started with Lutheran but I was kind of turned off as they believe "we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from the works of the Law" which is quote taken right from the Bible and appears several times but mainly Romans 3:28. I can't say I really agree with that because I don't think it comes down to exactly what you believe but more in how you act. Now considering two (Methodist and Lutheran) of the religions I named are a form of one of them (Protestant), they all generally believe in that quote but others to a lesser extent. Though as I explored Methodism it seemed that your good deeds in this world are rather things that help you become "forgiven" which is similar to what Catholics say but they seem to replace forgiven with justified. Either way that is what I have gotten from my research so lets hope what I read wasn't complete b/s.

So anyways like I said I went to church on Sunday after a month or so of researching and reading about different religions, the church that I went to was a Methodist church. To me it was very easy to fit in with their celebration, they don't call it a mass and I don't actually know what they would call it? Worship would seem the simplest so let us go with that. Their worship was very enjoyable to watch and eventually join in with, the songs are more lively and creates a better atmosphere. I had several people come up to me, noticing I was new, and introducing themselves which made me feel welcome in a place I had never been. Aside from 3 year old pre-school. Funny how 16 years later I am back there isn't it? I also enjoyed the idea that communion is not celebrated every mass and they don't believe the bread turns into Jesus' actual skin and wine to blood but it is more of a representation. Either way I really enjoyed the experience of going to church but I still have a lot to figure out if Methodism is for me or if another religion is, or none at all. A big issue I mentioned earlier, same-sex marriage, is something that I am still disappointed in but seems impossible to find any religion that supports it. Methodists are split it seems but are at least further along than Catholics. Many Methodist Church's have supported inclusion of homosexuals but still restrain them from things such as sacraments or being a minister. I really doubt I will find a perfect religion, just like I will never fully agree with any presidential candidate.

I kind of feel like George Sr. but hopefully it doesn't take me getting sent to prison to pick up a religion. I also hope that religion will never be Judaism.

I don't read thick books.

So I just got around to reading John Green's latest book The Fault In Our Stars and yet again he delivers with an amazing book that is up there next to Looking For Alaska. The book came out in 2012 so it is still fairly new but I 100% recommend this book to anyone. It is a book full of great characters, situations and quotes. There are a lot of quotes that I pick out from his novels but  I think this is the one that stuck out to me the most.

"The marks humans leave are too often scars."

Too me it was powerful because how many times do people come into our lives and try to make a difference, to try and make your life better but end up leaving you with a scar. What it really comes down to is that generally people enter  your lives for personal gain, and who can really judge them? Everyone wants to be happy. Though sometimes people forget that they are actually dealing with human beings. I am sure I left my scars on people by accident but I have learned from my mistakes and improved, it seems no one else wants to do that.

The easiest way to see this is in relationships. Generally it seems people want to get into them so they have someone, rather than to actually be with that specific person. I get it, I see why people would do that but don't you think that is unfair to that person? What about when you get bored or meet someone new? It is bound to happen. When I see the person I like all I want to do is do things for that person at my own expense. I don't expect things from that person because they aren't there to do things for me. When you get into something for yourself, you are bound to leave someone with a scar. Like I said I have done it before but if you are going to get involved deeply in someone's life, do it for the right reasons. Though with this, people shouldn't freak out when they are hurt by someone, people make mistakes. Another great quote from the book explains it quite perfectly “You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.” 

Sometimes I feel extremely cheesy writing posts like this but shit, some people still go about this daily. I really doubt this will get to the eyes of more than 20 people at max nor will it change anything. I just need to get material from somewhere don't I?

This book was phenomenal, just like Looking For Alaska was and I encourage everyone to buy it. There is a lot of great quotes and meaning you can take out of this book. I picked my copy up at Barnes & Noble for like $15, it would of been $10 but I got the collectors edition. Who knew I could read?