Keep Working At It Boy.

I feel like each week I write less and less for this blog. Not necessarily because I don't want to write but because I can never think of what to write. I usually try to think of some perfect post with a great analogy that will bring clarity to all of the problems in your life(/sarcasm). Let's be honest that probably has yet to happen and probably never will happen. I honestly just don't want to force myself to write a half-assed post, no matter what it is about. I guess that is the "perfectionist" part of me coming into play, which you will find once you get past the lazy part. Though my perfectionist side usually turns out to be a negative part more than a positive part.

It feels weird to say that trying to do things perfectly is a flaw but when that trait is given to someone who is hard on themselves, it can be negative. It comes into play in every aspect of life from sports to my daily life. For example I played rugby and soccer as most of you know and both of that sports are huge on the mental aspect, though I feel as sports are. I can't tell you how frustrating it was to miss a clear cut chance in soccer or make the wrong move or pass in rugby. Though while on the field I know I have teammates depending on me so that usually kept me motivated to try again and take otheanr shot or try a new move. In the end it was people depending on me that kept me going and when I succeed I knew it made them happy which in turn put me at ease. Of course I loved scoring the game winning goal or try but ultimately I just loved winning.

Overall it was my want to not let others down that pushed me to success than me actually wanting to be successful. It was much easier to not let people down when it came to sports because luckily I was naturally good at them. When it comes to other aspects of life is where I struggle, I always want to do things for people and make them happy. I like to look out for my friends and though my large amount of sarcasm might hide that at times it is still there. That is all nice and dandy but like everyone else, I am human and I make mistakes and I hurt people. I say things I shouldn't say and do things I shouldn't do. I never try or mean to but I know I will do it all again. Then it just plays into me giving so much into a single given situation or a person and when I make a mistake guess what comes into play? The part of me that is hard on myself. I always try to make everything work and when it doesn't I always blame myself no matter what actually happened. That mentality and that reaction to my situations is what left me where I was back in February and March but that my friend is a story that will come shortly.

Either way for now it seems a flaw but (I hope) in time it hopefully all will click, I will put everything into something and I won't mess up. Then that person will actually, for once, return what I put in. Hey, I can dream can't I? One mastermind who I have come to love and adore for his books has a quote that I really do enjoy and I feel I can bend it to match what I write about here.

 “All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”

I can see your point if you say that me trying to relate this quote is a stretch but bear with me. The opening line is quite simple to understand. To try and relate this to what I have been saying is that, no my flaws aren't glittering like my natural talent at everything or the fact that I am flawlessly handsome but they are still gold in their own ways. At times you just kind of have to push through all the b/s that people throw at you and it time your work will bear fruit. I am 19. It is safe to say I am not expecting to have everything to plan my life out for the next 10-15 years, hell even the next 3-4 years. (Life would be too boring if you knew that don't you think?) I don't know where I am going to be working when I graduated, I don't even know if I will graduate on time. (Victory Lap anyone?)  Either way I am not going to stop putting my all into everything because one day it will pay off, or at least the optimist in me is telling me it will. Oh and my mom. She always tells me stuff like this.

 After buying both their albums on vinyl I have been on a real Mumford & Sons kick so here is lyrics from one of their songs that fits. Sorry I can't resist the urge to include music in my writings.

"So tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
Oh tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart"