Good Grief

Everybody loses someone in some way, shape or form and that is just a fact of life. I have had several people walk out on me, most of them I am 200% happy they are gone but some sting whether it is a friend or a family member. Well for me the regret takes the form of missed chances and someone I almost forgot but it is too late to do anything about it. The other day I visited my Grandpop's grave who was buried after he passed away on Veteran's Day in 2011, so almost a year and a half ago. This is the first time I had visited since he was initially buried there, I had told myself I would go out there for his birthday and the one year anniversary of his death (Would those even be called anniversaries? I am not celebrating anything) but I guess I never made room nor did I actually want to go. Which I find weird because I was never really close with my Grandpop while he was around, we still had our memories but it seemed as I grew older the less I saw of him. I use to help my Mother clean his house years ago and we use to still see him randomly when we would go out to eat but that became less and less frequent as I grew up. I mean I could easily blame my environment and ask why did no one invite him anywhere but honestly why the fuck didn't I? Why wasn't I a better grandson and go out and visit him? Those things never crossed my mind while he was still around but it became the classic case of you want what you  can't have. As he passed away those are the things I started to ask myself. I think the hardest thing about it was visiting him while he was in the hospital because you could tell he was happy to see me. He was unable to speak at the time but he grabbed my hand which is something he didn't do to anyone else in the room. Which just struck as like why me? Why my hand? Why not your daughters? It was kind of just a moment where I realized what I meant to him but also a moment where I realized I let someone who cared about me question whether or not I truly cared about him. You could say well you where there while he was in the hospital so that proves you care but it shouldn't take someone to be hospitalized for you to show you care.

I visited him on Friday and I guess it was suiting that it was raining that day. It was a bit weird going there considering how long it had been since I last visited him and how different my life was. I sat there and caught him up on my life, what I had accomplished and where I was going. Or I talked to myself, whichever you choose to believe. I brought some pennies and left them on a bench that was dedicated to him as he use to collect them, he had a collection on that bench from other family members leaving them as well. It was weird but it was nice that I finally visited his grave after so long but it is still hard to shake the feeling of missed chances and a missed relationship.

All these thoughts aren't anything new to me and they are something I have been juggling since he passed away. I like to think it helped change me to be a better person, to someone who is less selfish. Now I like to think I am someone that takes care of my friends and family, as someone who lets others know how much they mean to me by just being there for them. It is hard  going away to college and keeping up on staying close with all my friends and family who aren't as easy to contact or see anymore. I like to think that in the past year or so I have really grown closer to my family. I know I will actually go out to eat with my grandmother when she asks me and not just when I went to, I like to think I have started to do things to help out my parents more rather than just for myself. I would try and help my brothers but let us be honest here, Tom is a lost cause and Frank doesn't need any help.

Either way this isn't something I dwell on or lose sleep on as it happened and there is nothing I can really do about it. I have taken what I feel I should of from the situation and I have applied to to make myself a better person. I will always wish I was closer with him but that won't happen so now I will just make sure that I don't have the feeling of missed chances again when someone leaves. The message is pretty simple, take care and don't forget about the people that care about and love you. One day if they leave by choice or for reasons you can't change you might regret it.

Lastly the picture above is my Grandpop while he was in the US Army. Probably about to run over some damn commies.

College had half a day.

What am I doing home already? "Time flies" is a bit of an understatement when you talk about my freshmen year of college. I remember orientation, move in and freshmen week all like it was yesterday. Awkwardly meeting people on my floor who would shape to become some of the best friends I have ever made. My freshmen year was full of some great memories, some of which I probably shouldn't post on the internet. (No, nothing bad mom, it is clearly soda) ... I feel like I had to include that because she is one of the five people who will read this...

I lived in the dorm Hardwick which was connected to Johnson which had a cafeteria at the bottom of it which has an actual name but I don't know anyone that called it anything other than J&H. I think the best part of finishing freshmen year is knowing I will probably never have to eat at J&H again. Hardwick Hall was a traditional style dorm with a communal bathroom. Once you get past the human feces, piss and puke on the bathroom floor it is really a great environment, I still cannot get passed what would posses ANY human being to take a poop on the floor, even if they are intoxicated or on drugs. I am not the most out-going person in the world at first but it really didn't matter because I would leave my door open and people would just come in and introduce themselves. Generally first conversations where the awkward "What classes do you have?" or "Where are you from?" but I think the king of awkward was conversations was my RA who no matter what you said to him would always respond "Hey! How are you doing?". He would say that even if you asked him how his day was first. Either way those conversations started to die as we started to become closer friends. One thing I regret was sticking to myself in the beginning, as groups were forming around me but I was kind of hanging back a bit and not doing much. I was still friendly with everyone on my floor but it took a bit for the friendships to really take off. It took a few months until I met and actually became good friends with the kids who I spent the entire year with.

Is it a bit ironic that the hurricane that destroyed half of my home state was the day that I became good friends with the people I hangout with today? Or do I still fail to grasp the true idea of irony? Anyway. We were locked in our dorms so we brought my TV down to the lobby along with GameCube and played Super Smash Brothers for an insane amount of hours. This resulted in many more hours of playing that game in my room for the next few months. Mario was my character. Why you would think any other character is cooler is beyond me... I generally pick him for every game I get the chance, Mario Party, Mario Kart, you name it.

Either way I had an amazing time at college as I loved where I was at Temple and who I was there with. As the semester grew to a close, I was ready to get going though. I probably missed more work than I should have despite always leaving notes about what is due. At the end all everyone was doing was studying for exams so there wasn't much going on and the night-life of crappy parties at another frat house were getting duller than I can explain. I was ready to go home after a tough semester to see friends and family who I had not seen in forever and be in a familiar place. Almost all of my friends and I got home just about the same week so of course first thing is first. Denny's trip. As always it was great to see all my old friend's at the diner we abused while we were home. The next day I went out to The Wonder Year's pop-up shop and hung-out with Mike Kennedy (Drummer) and Josh Martin (Bassist) from the band and it was a great time. I personally loved Mike's personality, they are all awesome dudes but Mike just brings that extra energy that makes every conversation you have with him a memorable one.

It has been a little over a week now since I have been home and it really has been treating me well so far. I finally have had free time to do different things I had been planning on doing such as running, reading and writing without having school work to finish at the end of the day. I have seen my old friends but more importantly I have made new friends. Right now I feel like I have a perfect mix of the old and the new in my life. The new isn't just coming from college friends either, I am becoming good friends with people who have lived close to me all my life but I never took time to get to know them. I find it a shame I never did it before but better late then never I guess right? I also officially got the job working security at Revel Entertainment in Atlantic City and even though the 11pm-7am shift is going to kill me, I am more than excited to start working. Either way I am in a position to have a better summer than I did last summer and I am excited to see how everything plays out and where I will be in at the end of it. I know right now I love being home but don't worry, give it a few weeks and there will be a blog post about how much I want to go back to Temple.

So last few times I posted a song or a band I recommend so I figured why not switch it up a bit. Right now I am reading Looking For Alaska by John Green for the second time. It is a great read and I recommend it to anyone. I am just about done but I find it funny how it still plays with my emotions despite me already knowing the ending and what is going to happen. It is probably like $10 on amazon.com or even cheaper at Barnes and Noble. I hope you check it out and let me know your opinions of it! I am sure most of you have already read it though as it was published in 2005.

My bad on taking so long between posts but between exams, moving back home, seeing friends and other things I haven't had time to sit down and write this blog. Though I am sure many of you didn't lose sleep over it.

Why are you squeezing me with your body?

So my brother got my Mom flowers so  I guess this means I am obliged to write a blog post about how much I appreciate her now right? Either way every year my Mom gets the double of her birthday on May 10th then Mother's Day, which is good and bad. It must be nice to have your birthday so close to Mother's day but the negative? Well people like me will only give you one gift because that is how cheap people get by.

Either way I still don't understand how my Mom put up with me for 19 years, I guess I am lucky I have a patient Mother who cares about me. Just to be nice she usually denies it but everyone knows I was a little shit as a kid. She was always involved in my life considering she worked at my grade school then worked at my high school, I mean I know I was the best child and she likes me better than Tom and Frank but she did a bad job at hiding it from them. We all know the reason they stopped having children after me is because I am perfect but anyways I am getting off-topic. Though in all seriousness my parents knew how to raise us and taught us lessons that sadly not everyone has been taught and that all comes down to my Mom. As she was the one who was always home as my Dad could be gone for long hours or even days due to his job. Now that I am getting older I am facing different challenges than just getting an A on a test and she always has stood beside me. She always showed it with her random Hallmark cards she would leave me or little motivational books and while they are cheesy it is still nice to know someone cares. Even though as a teenager I didn't always want her help she would still be there for me. It was almost impossible to hide from her when I was feeling down, I guess a mother really does have her instincts. The earlier part of the year had been hard for me but she was always there for me helping me get through a tiny rough patch. Now we have become closer over the past few years, this year she has already gotten me to run two 5Ks with her and a few others from my family and it has been a lot of fun.

Today (Mother's Day) marked the second 5K we have done this year and my mother reached her goal of doing it in less than 35 minutes, it was nice to see knowing all the hard work she had put into reaching her goals. Granted it is a simple goal but seeing it will always give encouragement to others reaching their goals. I hope she enjoyed the day as much as I did. You are the best mother I could ask for and I love you.

Okay my feelings are getting all over the internet and I better stop. I will leave you with a much more epic picture. It is a shout-out to my grandmom who is just an overall badass straight out of South Philly. I mean just look at the picture below you, how is that not badass?

A job?

This past Sunday marked the last day of me working at the National Constitution Center in Philadelphia or for the summer at least. I started working there back in June of last year and it has really been a great experience for me and a very enjoyable one. History has been a subject I have always enjoyed, some of my friends know that more than others. I learned a lot of things there but not just about the Constitution or our founding fathers but it was a good real world experience. Granted I was a volunteer for most of my time there but I still was in an environment where the best was expected from me in whatever I was asked to do. I had a boss who luckily was enjoyable to work under but he still expected things to be done without a problem. I am happy I ended up working there rather than the usual jobs teenagers have such as working at Target or being a delivery boy. I made plenty of good friends by working here and they were all different in their own way. There were workers who were still in high school, others in graduate college and others who were retired and doing this for personal pleasure. I gained a lot of knowledge from working with the people I did, not just about history but about life and how to handle different things. They would tell me of their experiences as many of my friends were much older than I. I will still see most of them during the NCC softball games and hopefully we all stay in touch. I also loved meeting certain guests that came to visit, I mainly enjoyed foreigners but I am sure they hated me considering all I would do is talk about soccer. I remember one German family I met was on a time schedule but I delayed them a few minutes because we got caught up talking about soccer.

Now we got nice things out of the way time for the course of my general day. It would usually start off by me talking to the man to your left because no one was actually in the museum. Though as the day went on people came in and then the real conversations were sparked by the interesting questions such as "Where is the bathroom?" or "Where is the exit?" Both questions never ceased to amuse/annoy me considering there was signs pointing to both of those things. Now I was always polite but here, on the internet, I can talk smack and no one will know and it is great. I actually think my favorite part would be when I do my job and tell people no photography and then they start arguing or complaining to me. Like shit I didn't make the rules but maybe if you keep acting like that to someone who is just doing their job things might change. People just suck and it is all too prevalent if you put yourself out in the world. Most of you already knew that though.

I have to say though the area around my work was always really nice, a bit too touristy for it to be my favorite but still nice nevertheless. Above is a picture from the Grand Overlook of the NCC, which is a very nice view to have everyday. During the summer I would generally walk down Market to grab some food during my break as it was always nice out and just sitting in those grass areas on a bench is always relaxing. Just working in Independence Hall area has its perks. If anyone has any opportunity to work here or somewhere close by I would recommend it.

The reason I am leaving is because over the summer I will be working at Revel in Atlantic City as a security guard. I am pretty excited for this job despite the fact that I will be dealing with drunks and the hours will go until 2-3AM. Either way it will be interesting to be on the side that has to deal with drunks. People who go to bars and get drunk and act out probably don't take into consideration the people that will have to deal with them. Granted I already know i won't be "that guy" when I am 21 but still interesting to experience the other side that most people don't get to.

This summer is going to be a completely different one than last years and I am pretty excited about it all. It is pretty funny how much life changes in a year isn't it? No one expects it to but it always does, sometimes for the better but sometimes for the worse but it is all about how you look at it and how you deal with it. When one door closes, another opens or something. In reality you could just open whatever door you want because that is how doors work. Anyways all my friends went off and did who knows what at college but a trip to Denny's with all of them has been long overdue. I am excited to be home finally and sleep in my own bed, hopefully my family throws me a party. Though, I am sure in a few weeks I will be saying how I miss living at college.

I figured I could again include music at the end of my posts just like I did last time. This song is by Chunk! No, Captain Chunk! and it is from their new album "Pardon My French". Their type of music isn't high on my list as I am not huge on scream-o type music, especially this much, but their songs are just so catchy to me. They are from France so sometimes their lyrics are a bit weird. It seems they just use Google translator but either way I love it. Eventually I will go back and post all my favorite music but there is a lot coming out right now so I will try and stay up-to-date with it all!

Ask Jeeves

College is at the point where all the bad parts (work) are the things that are taking over your life rather than the fun parts (social life). Reality just generally sucks. I mean during the week in the middle of the semester I usually did like 2-3 hours of work but now I do like 2-3 hours work a day. It is quite a disheartening situation. I have been writing actual papers for school and it has gotten to the point where I literally have no idea what I am writing and I generally repeat myself and I don't know exactly what I am writing. My desk use to have video games and food all over it but now it has papers all over it and I don't even know what is on half of them but it makes me feel like I am doing work and have made progress. I am just about ready to give up on all these papers I am writing. Either way I still love college.

At least all my papers are pretty much over and the next week and a half I can pretend to study for my finals. I might go to the library for the second time this semester but that place creeps me out. Students actually doing work. Not sure I like that sight or the idea of that. In reality I probably should of headed to the library more and put more time into my school work but as a wise man once said "I am not a smart man". My mom tried to give me encouragement the other day by telling me to hang in there, which is nice but like do I have an option? It is either pass my classes or fail and live in my parent's basement.... actually that doesn't sound that bad of a deal assuming rent is free... and everything else is free. Either way this next week and a half will suck but I wish all my friends good luck on their finals and if for some reason a parent is reading this, you should probably put a few hundred $$ to boost their moral during these dark times.

Also in-case you live under a rock the new World Trade Center had its final pieces lift to the top. The final height? 1776 feet high which is the most American thing ever aside from the actual year 1776.

I have no awesome things to write about clearly as you can see my rambling as my mind is pretty much dried up from all the writing I have done this week.

I leave you with the new The Wonder Years song which is pretty good. You should probably check them out if you haven't already.I get to see these guys in a week!