A Little Fellow in a Wide World

So last weekend was pretty awesome (19-21st). My last post I talked about how I wanted to go out and see the world. While I couldn't go very far I decided to pack my bags and actually go see it. I drove out to just north of Harrisburg and parked my car in a lot in Marysville. From there is where I began my hike. As you can see I marched north towards and into the town of Duncannon. Though as the hike I linked above ends, I didn't stop there I continued to cross the river and travel East. I did not complete the second trail as I ran into a few issues. First off my phone was dying and I was alone. That just had trouble written all over it. So I hiked as far as I could East until I felt I had enough battery left so I could backtrack to Duncannon and find a place to charge it there. I also had to make sure I was at my car by around 9AM Monday morning since I had to be home for work. So I had to cut my adventure down just a little bit. Still I hiked about 30 miles in 30 hours.

So overall this was a last minute decision. I had debated it for a week or two, I planned and tried to figure out where to go. I had no idea where to start but I clearly got it figured out with some research. I really wanted to just get away because I feel like I was living the same exact week every week. Monday through Friday I got up, went to work, came home and fell asleep. Then weekends I usually did something with my friends like go to Denny's, which I love but I felt I need a change of scenery for a bit. So rather than complain about how dull my summer has been, I went and made it better.

So Friday after work I headed right home and I got there around 1:15. It was an hour later than usual but I stayed for some overtime. I added some finishing touches to what I would bring in my bag then I headed out the door with a two and a half hour drive ahead of me. Surprisingly I was not tired at all despite it being quite late. Once I got off the highway I started to enjoy the drive there. I was driving down roads that were going up and down hills. They seemed to stretch forever as I passed field after field. I kept my windows down the air felt good and smelled good(Is that weird to say?). I finally got to the site to park my car around 4:15-4:30. It was still very much dark. I couldn't really see and it did make me quite nervous. I was all alone, in the dark and two and a half hours away from home. It was exciting but frightening at the same time. I waited around a little bit to let the sun rise but with that time I read everything on the bulletin board. It had a few helpful things to look at, like a map and a few rules. Mainly the one about not drinking the water was helpful. So five o'clock rolls around and I head out.

I was pumped and so excited that I didn't even realize I had yet to sleep. I also did not realize until one mile into it that I was going the wrong way.... I started to head South instead of North but thankfully I brought a compass with me to show me my mistake. So I turn around and head in the right direction. The path was very simple to follow as every few yards was marked by a white tag on a tree or rock. I had no trouble at all finding my way along the trail. The beginning was mainly wide open fields but that only lasted a short time before I started making my way up the mountain. Within an hour or two I already made it to the first view point. It was beautiful.  I wasn't tired but I just sat there for a little while and looked out. I am only a short time into this trip and I would already deem it a success. A view like that was exactly what I was looking for.

Finally I got up and continued walking and around 8:30-9 I came across the first "shelter". There I met three hikers that were just waking up. It was a father, his daughter and her friend. The father and daughter were experienced hikers having done many trails and even this one before. They explained a lot of things to me, like describing the area, tips on how to make it out here and just general things about hiking. Eventually they left but I stayed to rest a bit as I just scaled the mountain and I was still running without sleep. While I was hanging around the shelter I started to read the journal there. It was a book where people would write about their journey so far and how their day went. I wrote a short entry just saying how it was my first time and whatnot. Some of the entries were very enjoyable to read such as "I took a huge shit. Happy St. Patty's Day" but there were others that were actually serious and great to read. One thing that the people I met explained to me was "trail names" which were what you signed the book with. So pretty much you had a second identity. I didn't sign with a trail name as I didn't want to give myself a name. Later I meet people and it seems everyone gets them from other people due to experiences. Like one guy called himself "One-Eye". Why? Well because he only had one eye. Another many was called Fire-Hydrant. He earned that name because as soon as he bought a new backpack to go hiking with, a dog peed on it. As soon as that happened a man with an Australian accent came up to him, laughed in his face and gave him that trail-name. They were definitely something I found interesting but I wasn't going to give myself one so I just signed Jack.

After about 15-20 minutes of rest I got up and continued on. I caught up to and passed the people I had met the shelter. The two girls were making good time but they had to wait up for the father. From the shelter it was about 3 miles until Duncannon and about half way there I came across my favorite spot on the entire trip. The name of it was Hawk's Rock. It had a view that would easily take your breath away. For some reason I forgot to take a panoramic view so I have several pictures of the view along with a video. You could see for miles and you could see Duncannon with Susquehanna River just next to it.

I made my way down the mountain and finally into the town of Duncannon. First thing I did was walk into the gas station and buy two Gatorades. As I continued walking I noticed that the South side of this town was very poor and almost seemed run-down. As I walked down the sidewalk a dog ran up to me and started barking, followed by his owner. The dog had almost no fur, the man had only two teeth and the house behind him looked horrible. All I could think was "Where the hell am I?" I made a guess at Hickstown, PA. Obviously I had always heard about country folk like this but it was my first experience meeting someone from out here. Appearance aside, Kenny was a great guy. Was a very hospital man and gave me directions all over town. He would of offered me a lift but he did not have a car or a license. He offered me a few Natty-Ice cans but I declined. I wasn't about to take something from a man who seemed to have less than I. He rambled on quite some time about nothing and his life here. It was interesting at times but he really started to lose me after awhile. Eventually I said my goodbye and parted ways and headed further into town. I finally came up to a place called Doyle Hotel which I have heard stories of from the hikers I met before but also from Kenny. As I walked up there were about 7-8 hikers just hanging around outside. I didn't introduce myself but I set my stuff down not too far from them. I am not really that outgoing to where I would go up to them but instantly the saw me and included me. They asked about where I was from, where I was going and all that. It turned out they were "thru-hikers" which were hikers who started in Georgia and went up the entire Appalachian Trail into Maine. It would take them about 6-7 months but they were just past the half way point. They were stopping at Doyle Hotel for the night to give themselves a days break. I walk inside the Hotel to get my water bottles refilled and instantly you could tell it would be lucky to be considered a one star hotel. From what I heard the rooms had to AC and you shared a bathroom with other people. That sounds bad but I am sure the hikers loved it compared to sleeping in a tent or in a shelter. The place was a mix of a dive bar and a hostel. The bartender/owner looked the part of the area just as Kenny had. Like I said it isn't a bad thing as they were all nice and welcoming people. So he filled up my water bottles and I headed back out.

It was a mile or two walk through the town. The North side of town was much nicer than the South with houses that had many plants and flowers around them and some large churches. Eventually I crossed over the Susquehanna River. That is were I began my climb to the second mountain I would walk up but also considered the second trail that I linked at the beginning. This was a bit more challenging than the first but still very simple. It was just constantly steep and with many more rocks. Sadly I did not finish this part of the trail completely, I stopped about halfway at that shelter and turned around. My phone was dying and I had lost my charger. I also had to get back to my car by 9 AM Monday and I was unsure if I could do that if I continued going down this trail. I made great pace my first day as I was fresh but towards the end of Saturday I was about ready to collapse. Keep in mind I still have yet to sleep and by this time it was about 6 PM. Nighttime was coming soon also so I had to figure out where to sleep. I hurried back down the mountain and back into Duncannon. I visited the hotel again in search of my charger but there was no luck. Though one of the hikers let me use his for about 35-40 minutes until he went up to his room. So I had enough to get me through the night and the morning. Now it was time to decided where to sleep. I figured why not sleep at my favorite spot the whole trip? I scale the mountain back up to Hawk's Rock. Hiking up there was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Fatigue was starting to get to me, my backpack was over-packed, my legs were tired and I was generally tired and wanted sleep. I finally got to the top and set up my tent. I ate of the Meals Ready to Eat that my brother had given me. It was awful but it was better than the peanut butter bars or pop-tarts I had been eating all day. There was a bit of daylight left so I sat down on the rock, looked out at the view and opened up Paper Towns by John Green and read for a little while. The light faded quickly so I had to stop reading sooner than I hoped but I took a few pictures of the sky as the sun set. It was an amazing site to see. I passed out as soon as I got inside my tent. It was cramped inside because I had to stuff everything in there as there was a chance of rain and I didn't want anything getting wet.

I woke up nice and early around 6 AM. I got changed, had a small breakfast, enjoyed the view for one last time and then headed out around 7 to make for my car. The hike back is easy as it was mostly downhill and I had passed it all before so I knew where I was. At this point my body hated me but my mind loved me. My shoulders were ready to fall off and I had lost count of how many bug bites I had. Though I did it and I made it back to my car. I completed my adventure alone and it was great. I got to my car around noon.

I found it funny how many people though I was insane I went alone. My Mom was ready to beat me when she realized I was alone. I knew I could take care of myself. Could something bad of happened? No doubt. I could of slipped and hurt myself with no one to help me. There were a lot of "what ifs?" that were negative and told me not to go. Sorry but I would not rather sit around and be afraid of something bad that MIGHT happen. I wanted to do something so I did. I wanted to go alone so I did. No I would not recommend going alone to everyone because it can be dangerous but I sure enjoyed my time. It was really nice to get away. The past few weeks I felt like I couldn't control a lot going on in my life. That weekend I directly took control of my life and I took it out to the woods in Pennsylvania.

I will leave you with probably my favorite photo from the trip. The rest are on Facebook if you have yet to see them.

Don't Forget Your Handkerchief!

“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.” 

That is the opening line to one of the best books I have read which features an adventure of epic proportions. I finished reading The Hobbit a few weeks ago and ever since then I have been itching to go out and see the world. Having a 40 hour work week makes things a bit difficult. Though I can only dream of my adventures featuring elves, giant spiders and a man that can turn into a bear. I know I will never have tales that are as great as Bilbo's. I still want a story of my own.

My mind can tend to be the classic "you want what you don't have" as early summer I was not working, yet with my free time I didn't do much. I could of easily gone out to see places but instead I stayed in good old Dicktown, NJ. Now it is July 18th and I really want to get out. Since I started working I feel like I don't have as much free time as I would like during the week. I actually have less free time during the summer than I did during the semester. I expected my care-free summers were coming to an end when this summer rolled around as I was in college and there are bills to pay. Not really much of a complaint as I get it is a part of growing up but to me you shouldn't lose yourself to time. As you grow up you don't have to stop doing your hobbies because you are kept up in your job.

I have always taken an interest in traveling and seeing the world. It is something I have always wanted to do but I am obviously 19. My time will come eventually where I can visit London, Dublin, Munich, Barcelona, Berlin, Amsterdam and many more famous cities. I am still optimistic those goals will come true and not get put on the back burner forever. I clearly don't have the means or the money to do it just yet but like I said I am only 19. Though still I can't help but feel I can at least make the most of what I have. When you think about it, not only is the United States a country of many cultures and many environments, the East Coast is too. I mean what is to stop me from going out to Pennsylvania and checking out the Appalachian Mountains or any other state they run though. Why not take a road trip south to Virginia, the Carolinas and Georgia? I am here so why not take advantage of it? I hope to get out somewhere soon. I really want to see everything and do everything. I love South Jersey and Philly area and I will always live here but there is much more to the world. There are people to meet, places to see and things to do. I feel like a hopeful teenage but screw me for having hopes right? I think my top goal would be to live in London for a year or so. That would give me an excuse to have a British accent right?

Well I just wanted a short rant about how I want to see stuff. My basement is getting a bit boring. I encourage everyone to go out and see the world to. I am sure you won't regret it.

Looking for them Upsides

This will be quite a long post so get ready for plenty of words and plenty of typos.

I am writing this one not necessarily because I want to but more so due to the fact I feel I have to. Also I feel I should. I can see things going on in several of my friend's lives where they aren't happy or they feel depressed. Life can be pretty crappy I know but let me share my story from my life that might help you all.

Most of you know I personally went through a rough time back in February, with the worst lasting until April. For those of you who don't, I was going through a tough time due to a break-up. I am not really here to talk about that but more so the effects of it.

After it happened I got pretty down about myself and life in general. If you have read my past few posts you would know that I can be extremely hard on myself for the way things turn out. This situation was no different. I could barely bring myself to get out of bed most days and I really didn't want to see anyone or do anything. Luckily I was surrounded by good friends and no matter how much I wanted to be alone I had a best friend living in the same room as me. That was something that was pretty key. They all knew what I was going through but it took awhile for people to realize how down I was but that will come soon. It was pretty cool that no matter how much I resisted at times my friends still dragged me out of bed. Whether it was to play our usual Super Smash Bros. or to just walk around campus at midnight. Though with all that being said, those things never actually helped my situations as they were more of an escape than a solution. I think that was the biggest thing that I had wrong, I never addressed my personal issues. I was so glad to just play video games or drink rather than deal with my thoughts. The thing is that at night or during down time, those thoughts are everywhere. It really got to the point where I was over-analyzing pretty much every aspect of my life.

I started to look back on past mistakes that had yet to catch up to me. These past three years I had moved so fast from place to place that I never had a rest. Things were always changing and I was moving along with them. I never sat down and thought about all the changes. During this time I thought about all the people that I had let down and all the people that were absent from my life. The way I was looking at it was how I was the common denominator. There were so many different people but ultimately I was the common factor and that was clearly the reason they all left. I couldn't help but blame myself for lost friendships that I know will never return. It was a lot to catch up and a lot to deal with. Stupid? Well I know that now but it was very much different back then.

Another thing I began to struggle with is who I actually was and who I felt I was suppose to be. It is something I feel everyone deals with at some point in their life. I felt like I wasn't turning out or wasn't actually who everyone thought I was. I felt like I was suppose to be someone who people came to for advice (which they did) and someone who was just always happy and with a smile on my face. Then I looked at where I was and I didn't feel like either of those things. I remember one of my friends messaged me one day and asked how I got over the break-up and how I didn't get depressed because he was now struggling after a breakup. All I could think to myself was how little he knew, he probably didn't realize the state I was in. What could I do? Tell him the truth? But then what hope would he have? I didn't want to give him the wrong advice and have that lead him to pain. I always felt like I had to know every solution to every problem. I can be right but I will be the first to tell you I do not have life figured out. Not in the slightest. Especially a few months ago. With all that I struggled with the expectations of just society in general. I mean if you flunk out of college or even struggle a bit it seems you are looked down on. My grades in the second semester started to slip as I could barely focus on school but that just made it worse as it played into the whole expectation thing. I was raised in an amazing environment. I had great family, friends and education. I have two older brothers who were born in the same environment and look at them. They were off and doing great things. Yet I barely made it by my freshmen year. "My life's become this tightrope act
One wrong step, I'm off the edge." That quote describes exactly how I felt. I felt that I could easily slip up and disappoint everyone. I could fail my classes and be forced to leave college and stay home. I felt like I had these shoes to fill and these things I had to achieve that were just standard. Yet I was struggling to get by.

These thoughts of failure and disappoint really started to add up over time. I became introspective and I looked at every part of myself and I felt disappointed. In reality most of those things weren't bad but I was in that mindset where I just blamed myself. As I write this on July 7th I could easily tell you how I am probably the greatest thing to come out of Sicklerville but I wouldn't of said that on March 23rd. I picked that day for a specific reason. It was probably the lowest point I had ever gotten to in my life. I worked that day as it was a Saturday and I worked right in Center City at The National Constitution Center. It was a really slow day so I had just my thoughts to myself along with sleepy eyes as I couldn't sleep the night before or really any night before that. Everything caught up to me. Everything bad I ever felt was there today, every bad memory is what I was thinking about. I got off work at 5. I didn't go and get on the subway to head back to my dorm. Instead I walked East. I walked north a block right from work and I headed East. I doubt I described it well enough for  you to know where I was but I ended up about 135 feet in the air. I was standing on Ben Franklin Bridge. I didn't randomly end up there either, I guess you could say I had a reason. Everything added up and I was tired of the stress, the sleepless nights and the constant nagging of letting everyone down. I was just so tired. I was tired of giving my all in things and to have nothing returned. Yes I make mistakes, yes I regret things but that doesn't mean I didn't care about anything or anyone. I just kind of wanted to jump. It wasn't like a "I hate everyone and this world" kind of thing. It was more I just was tired of everything and I didn't want to hurt anyone further. It was kind of like what I talked about in a few posts ago with the "timebomb" idea. I felt like I was Hazel Grace. I felt like at any minute I could slip up and disappoint everyone. I figured if anything I could do it on my own terms and at least people would know I wanted it. Well that was my logic at the time I guess. I will be the first to tell you now though that suicide is the stupidest thing anyone could do, I completely understand why people would want to but it is selfish. I knew it was selfish at the time too but I was just fed up with being un-selfish because what did I have to show for it all? I sat there for quite some time just thinking about everything. I stared down. I looked at the Philly skyline, I looked across the river to my home state. I thought about everything. Clearly I stepped down and went home. It wasn't easy. I didn't really want to die though, like I said I was just tired of everything.

It was stupid and I hate to admit I ever even thought about it. No one put me in that situation but myself. Things really started to change for me only two weeks later. I remember I went to three concerts that weekend. The first one I went to was really what hit home. I went to see Real Friends and Major League with a friend of mine. Their songs in general are songs I love and that I relate to. Just hearing them live was a great pick me up in itself. Though when Real Friends came out onto stage they played a song or two but then the lead singer just stopped. He looked into the crowd and said "Hey guys, I know it may not look like it now but things get better. They really do." Like that is such a bland statement that many people said to me before. Though that night it really struck home. The same guy that I listen to on my iPod and that I paid money to see was telling me it.

The next weekend was my birthday! Woo! I went home to visit my family which was nice but I still felt off. I had not been home to clear out my room so I get home and everything reminds me of my past. Like my own home that I have lived in for 19 years, didn't feel like home. It just felt like another house on some street. Needless to say I got rid of everything and started to rebuild my memories. It became easy to not dwell on something you don't remember. As April went on I really started to feel better, Spring was upon us and I was enjoying college to the fullest. I was with some great friends. I really started to set time aside for myself to do the things I wanted to do. I started to read and write more, learning guitar and running. I stopped relying on other people to hold me up. I stopped dodging my thoughts and fixed them. Long story short, it gets better. I got better.

I never really like to talk about this at all. A few people know to the extent of this. Others this will be the first time you hear about. I wanted to put this story out there to help anyone else. I still have people asking me for advice on life and how to stay happy. Even the other day my friend asked me to tell him in person but I dipped and dodged his questions for awhile. Then I gave a half-assed description of it all. I felt bad because I know he needed me to come through and I couldn't bring myself to go in-depth with it all. As always it is much easier to just type it out and put it out there. I am a pretty average guy by all standards I guess so if that shows anything, if I got over it I am pretty sure anyone can.

"We live in a world where we want everything to be happy to such an extent we are willing to ignore sadness and pretend all is good"- Landon Donovan

See soccer players can say somewhat deep things? I think his quote shows my biggest problem. I was so ready to sweep things under the rug and pretend I was okay because I felt like I had to be happy. I was forcing myself to be happy but "It's not about forcing happiness, it's about not letting sadness win." I could honestly sit here and quote The Wonder Years for hours and how they apply to me. Though this post is already long. I don't think it needs to be much longer. I want to part saying I am over this, I am over the past. I am doing better and things get better. I still am dealing with things right now as I write this paragraph at 2AM on July 8th. There is nothing more I hate than things I can't change. I have come to accept that though, that I can't change everything. People make their own decisions. They live their own lives. If they don't want me, well that is that. I already am losing another friend due to the way life is heading. I will probably meet and lose many more. I don't think I have gone numb in my feelings but it is kind of hard to tell I guess. Either way this is something I am over so lets not make a big deal out of this story. It is over and this is for anyone who needs it. Don't worry if you break once it awhile, everyone does. Everyone will learn how to put themselves back together. The first time is always the hardest.

Keep Working At It Boy.

I feel like each week I write less and less for this blog. Not necessarily because I don't want to write but because I can never think of what to write. I usually try to think of some perfect post with a great analogy that will bring clarity to all of the problems in your life(/sarcasm). Let's be honest that probably has yet to happen and probably never will happen. I honestly just don't want to force myself to write a half-assed post, no matter what it is about. I guess that is the "perfectionist" part of me coming into play, which you will find once you get past the lazy part. Though my perfectionist side usually turns out to be a negative part more than a positive part.

It feels weird to say that trying to do things perfectly is a flaw but when that trait is given to someone who is hard on themselves, it can be negative. It comes into play in every aspect of life from sports to my daily life. For example I played rugby and soccer as most of you know and both of that sports are huge on the mental aspect, though I feel as sports are. I can't tell you how frustrating it was to miss a clear cut chance in soccer or make the wrong move or pass in rugby. Though while on the field I know I have teammates depending on me so that usually kept me motivated to try again and take otheanr shot or try a new move. In the end it was people depending on me that kept me going and when I succeed I knew it made them happy which in turn put me at ease. Of course I loved scoring the game winning goal or try but ultimately I just loved winning.

Overall it was my want to not let others down that pushed me to success than me actually wanting to be successful. It was much easier to not let people down when it came to sports because luckily I was naturally good at them. When it comes to other aspects of life is where I struggle, I always want to do things for people and make them happy. I like to look out for my friends and though my large amount of sarcasm might hide that at times it is still there. That is all nice and dandy but like everyone else, I am human and I make mistakes and I hurt people. I say things I shouldn't say and do things I shouldn't do. I never try or mean to but I know I will do it all again. Then it just plays into me giving so much into a single given situation or a person and when I make a mistake guess what comes into play? The part of me that is hard on myself. I always try to make everything work and when it doesn't I always blame myself no matter what actually happened. That mentality and that reaction to my situations is what left me where I was back in February and March but that my friend is a story that will come shortly.

Either way for now it seems a flaw but (I hope) in time it hopefully all will click, I will put everything into something and I won't mess up. Then that person will actually, for once, return what I put in. Hey, I can dream can't I? One mastermind who I have come to love and adore for his books has a quote that I really do enjoy and I feel I can bend it to match what I write about here.

 “All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”

I can see your point if you say that me trying to relate this quote is a stretch but bear with me. The opening line is quite simple to understand. To try and relate this to what I have been saying is that, no my flaws aren't glittering like my natural talent at everything or the fact that I am flawlessly handsome but they are still gold in their own ways. At times you just kind of have to push through all the b/s that people throw at you and it time your work will bear fruit. I am 19. It is safe to say I am not expecting to have everything to plan my life out for the next 10-15 years, hell even the next 3-4 years. (Life would be too boring if you knew that don't you think?) I don't know where I am going to be working when I graduated, I don't even know if I will graduate on time. (Victory Lap anyone?)  Either way I am not going to stop putting my all into everything because one day it will pay off, or at least the optimist in me is telling me it will. Oh and my mom. She always tells me stuff like this.

 After buying both their albums on vinyl I have been on a real Mumford & Sons kick so here is lyrics from one of their songs that fits. Sorry I can't resist the urge to include music in my writings.

"So tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart
Oh tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart"

5...4...3...2...1...

"Time bomb ticking and it's ready to blow,
I know that any given moment that it's set to explode"

Those are lyrics from the song Arrows Crossed by Major League. I feel they are simple enough and straight to the point of what I want to get at. It also plays into a certain idea from a book that I read a few weeks ago but also wrote about on here, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green.

Have you ever just looked at a situation, no matter what it is, and you just know that no matter what you are going to get the short end of the stick? For example you know you have a huge test coming up for a class you are already expecting to fail. You take the test and that is it, you know you are screwed even though you studied really hard. Now you are going to have to take a summer class, get a job to help pay for it, probably starting selling drugs as the job isn't paying enough, then you end up doing the drugs yourself, eventually you are caught and arrested then finally you are released and forced to live in a van down by the river. So kids, make sure you don't fail your test.

When I was reading The Fault In Our Stars the main character, Hazel Grace, was battling cancer all throughout the book. There comes a time where she becomes extremely frustrated with herself and her condition and considers herself a "time-bomb". She feels bad because her time on this earth, all she was doing was building up people until she "exploded" or, to simply put it, died. When she died she would cause countless amounts of pain to her parents and the boy she loved at the time, Augustus. Which is quite depressing when you look at it because as much as her parents did not want to admit, you and I know it is true.

Now I can't say I have been in Hazel's situation where I would be the one "exploding" but it always seems I am where Augustus is standing. It is pretty easy to tell, after four years of high school and a year of college, when things are about to go south. I have been apart of several different groups of friends and seen many many situations unfold before. Now I am not saying I can predict most outcomes or I am a social guru but I have been right about most things in the past 4-5 months about dealings with certain people and even the advice I have given to others. It probably seems at times that I am so realistic that it comes off pessimistic. I attribute that to the fact that humans suck rather than me being pessimistic. I can see the way things are now, I can compare them to how they were a month ago, hell even a few days ago at times and it is quite easy to realize that I am stuck in a no-win situation. Though when you realize you are there, I find it best to ride it out and enjoy it because either way you will lose whatever it is. I feel half of these situations are created from having too high expectations for yourself or the situation, which is something I do more than I like to admit. I always give the advice of keeping expectations low for good reason but you should always do as I say, not as I do. It is easy to give advice but when you are actually in a situation, feelings are hard to ignore. Well for me at least. Though Augustus seems to agree. "That's the thing about pain,' Augustus said, and then glanced back at me. 'It demands to be felt."

I have been on a real Transit kick lately so here is my favorite song by them with lyrics that are a bit fitting to me. Definitely give this song and the rest of their stuff a listen!

"It kills you to know that this world, it owes you nothing.

So just forget what you’re expecting. You’ll find half what you deserve."

I also renamed the blog because I want to expand more and having to relate everything to one show made it hard. Deal with it. You can still expect them to pop up though.

I met a "Celebrity" but I use that term loosely.

So I am sure everyone reading this has heard of Amanda Bynes not only due to her recent antics but to her show we watched as kids. Or well at least I did... Though as a kid I never thought I would meet someone who I saw on TV but today I did and well it wasn't what I expected.

Wednesday was like every other day of work, a long eight hour shift where I try to keep myself entertained. Usually it results in me sending out mass Snapchats but now are starting to become Vines. As always nothing happened all day as I was at one of the least exciting posts. I was on the lobby level, watching the doors to the outside deck/garden area and making sure everyone who went out there were guests of the hotel. Nothing really happened aside from one homeless guy, who smelled like dog piss, that I had to sit down and wait for my manager to come and escort him off the property. Other than that all I did was have small talk with random guests and just waited for my shift to come to a close.

All is normal but eventually I see a lady get off the escalators and walk down the hallway heading towards the hotel lobby. As I see her take a few steps off I immediately recognize her. Not as a celebrity but as the lady I have seen here since Friday who looks and acts like she is on drugs. She never caused any problems in my dealings with her and I never took a close look. She had long blonde hair but almost looked fake and wore large sunglasses despite it being like 10:00pm. It was weird but I was in Atlantic City, there are a lot of weird people. Only a few steps off the escalator she drops something and doesn't notice so being the great security guard I am I call out "Mam! You dropped something!" Simple. End of story right? You would think she picks it up and leaves. NOPE. She straight up stares at me. Like dead frozen in the middle of the walkway. It was probably only a few seconds but it felt like five minutes of her just looking at me. I was extremely confused. Eventually she turned around and picked up whatever it was that she dropped, seemed like a jacket of some sort. Then she walks over to me and lowers her glasses a bit and says "How did you know it was me?!?" but in a very low voice like she didn't want anyone to hear. The only thing that is really going through my head is just like "What the fuck is she talking about?" but obviously I was working so I couldn't say that. I just respond with an "Excuse me?" but politely obviously. She then takes her glasses completely off and says "How did  you know it was me Amanda?!?"

At that point it all clicked. I recognized her face and I remember reading in the news about her attacking someone who tried to take a picture of her in Atlantic City. There were also two girls probably in their mid-twenties who kept asking me if I saw her yet. I am in shock Amanda Bynes is standing in front of me. Not only that but in the way I figured out it was her. I would have NEVER guessed it was her until she said it. Now PLEASE someone tell me how me letting her know she dropped something results in me knowing who exactly she is. I am clueless so please feel free to hit me with your theories. Now she gets quite nervous and angry I know it is her. Even though she is the only one to blame for that.

"NO ONE can know that I am here tonight! I am here undercover for something" What the hell? Undercover? Okay. She said that all quite slurred and a bit slow. It was obviously b/s but whatever.... I went along with it.... I said not to worry and all those things to calm her down. Eventually she reaches into her purse and has something in her hand. Then she whispers "You better be quite"and puts a $10 into the front pocket of my blazer.  Alright everything before this was fucking weird but seriously. Why?! What?! I am trying so hard not to curse as I try to keep this clean but I am so full of confusion that the only way I can express myself is by yelling and cursing. I was extremely happy to accept it but I was still completely confused as to why she did it in the way she did. So after that she finally left and went on her way.

THEN. THEN. About an hour later she comes walking by to get on the escalators to get back to the casino floor. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to provoke a freak-out because I had no idea what she would do. Though as she walks by she gets slower as she is about 30-40 feet from me. She begins to slow down her walking with a combination of just pointing at me until she passes me. Literally says nothing. She just slowly walks by while pointing at me. The only thing I can think of is "What the hell is going on?". She finally passed. Went downstairs got drunk and gambled probably. Then the time came and my shift ended and hopefully she isn't back again tomorrow to creep me out. Unless I get more money. That would be cool. It was my first experience with a celebrity in a true setting and it was creepy. Well at least I have a story that makes me slightly more interesting than the kid who just watches Netflix and plays FIFA. I was thinking of saving the money and like framing it but Denny's seems like a much more enjoyable option.

There is only one thing left to do.

Church of the Good Shepherd

Well this past weekend I did something that I don't think I have ever done before in my life. I went to church on my own free-will and by myself. I bet most of you reading this probably still don't believe me. I mean I was, after all, the kid that sat in Philosophy and told the teacher that nothing I couldn't touch actually existed. That meant things like God, love and colors didn't actually exist, half of that was being an asshole teenager and the other half was just messing with the teacher. Most of the stuff I said in that class I didn't believe but it was quite funny just to say. Either way I was not a religious person and at times I was quite frustrated at what was suppose to be my church, the Catholic church.  The things they said or did that I generally disagreed with in almost every way, a perfect example is their stance on same-sex marriage.

Over the past few months though I decided to give religion in general a new chance but on my own terms. I knew I wanted to change from Catholic because their masses were boring, I DREADED going to them as I came close to falling asleep the entire time. I started out researching religions that were not even Christian denominations such as Islam and Buddhist but I found those too different for me to fully support, they had some great parts of them but not what I believe. Granted the fact I grew up Catholic probably resulted in it hard for me to believe in religions that are so different. So I went back and started to look at religions such as Lutheran, Methodist and Protestant. I started with Lutheran but I was kind of turned off as they believe "we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from the works of the Law" which is quote taken right from the Bible and appears several times but mainly Romans 3:28. I can't say I really agree with that because I don't think it comes down to exactly what you believe but more in how you act. Now considering two (Methodist and Lutheran) of the religions I named are a form of one of them (Protestant), they all generally believe in that quote but others to a lesser extent. Though as I explored Methodism it seemed that your good deeds in this world are rather things that help you become "forgiven" which is similar to what Catholics say but they seem to replace forgiven with justified. Either way that is what I have gotten from my research so lets hope what I read wasn't complete b/s.

So anyways like I said I went to church on Sunday after a month or so of researching and reading about different religions, the church that I went to was a Methodist church. To me it was very easy to fit in with their celebration, they don't call it a mass and I don't actually know what they would call it? Worship would seem the simplest so let us go with that. Their worship was very enjoyable to watch and eventually join in with, the songs are more lively and creates a better atmosphere. I had several people come up to me, noticing I was new, and introducing themselves which made me feel welcome in a place I had never been. Aside from 3 year old pre-school. Funny how 16 years later I am back there isn't it? I also enjoyed the idea that communion is not celebrated every mass and they don't believe the bread turns into Jesus' actual skin and wine to blood but it is more of a representation. Either way I really enjoyed the experience of going to church but I still have a lot to figure out if Methodism is for me or if another religion is, or none at all. A big issue I mentioned earlier, same-sex marriage, is something that I am still disappointed in but seems impossible to find any religion that supports it. Methodists are split it seems but are at least further along than Catholics. Many Methodist Church's have supported inclusion of homosexuals but still restrain them from things such as sacraments or being a minister. I really doubt I will find a perfect religion, just like I will never fully agree with any presidential candidate.

I kind of feel like George Sr. but hopefully it doesn't take me getting sent to prison to pick up a religion. I also hope that religion will never be Judaism.

I don't read thick books.

So I just got around to reading John Green's latest book The Fault In Our Stars and yet again he delivers with an amazing book that is up there next to Looking For Alaska. The book came out in 2012 so it is still fairly new but I 100% recommend this book to anyone. It is a book full of great characters, situations and quotes. There are a lot of quotes that I pick out from his novels but  I think this is the one that stuck out to me the most.

"The marks humans leave are too often scars."

Too me it was powerful because how many times do people come into our lives and try to make a difference, to try and make your life better but end up leaving you with a scar. What it really comes down to is that generally people enter  your lives for personal gain, and who can really judge them? Everyone wants to be happy. Though sometimes people forget that they are actually dealing with human beings. I am sure I left my scars on people by accident but I have learned from my mistakes and improved, it seems no one else wants to do that.

The easiest way to see this is in relationships. Generally it seems people want to get into them so they have someone, rather than to actually be with that specific person. I get it, I see why people would do that but don't you think that is unfair to that person? What about when you get bored or meet someone new? It is bound to happen. When I see the person I like all I want to do is do things for that person at my own expense. I don't expect things from that person because they aren't there to do things for me. When you get into something for yourself, you are bound to leave someone with a scar. Like I said I have done it before but if you are going to get involved deeply in someone's life, do it for the right reasons. Though with this, people shouldn't freak out when they are hurt by someone, people make mistakes. Another great quote from the book explains it quite perfectly “You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.” 

Sometimes I feel extremely cheesy writing posts like this but shit, some people still go about this daily. I really doubt this will get to the eyes of more than 20 people at max nor will it change anything. I just need to get material from somewhere don't I?

This book was phenomenal, just like Looking For Alaska was and I encourage everyone to buy it. There is a lot of great quotes and meaning you can take out of this book. I picked my copy up at Barnes & Noble for like $15, it would of been $10 but I got the collectors edition. Who knew I could read?

Good Grief

Everybody loses someone in some way, shape or form and that is just a fact of life. I have had several people walk out on me, most of them I am 200% happy they are gone but some sting whether it is a friend or a family member. Well for me the regret takes the form of missed chances and someone I almost forgot but it is too late to do anything about it. The other day I visited my Grandpop's grave who was buried after he passed away on Veteran's Day in 2011, so almost a year and a half ago. This is the first time I had visited since he was initially buried there, I had told myself I would go out there for his birthday and the one year anniversary of his death (Would those even be called anniversaries? I am not celebrating anything) but I guess I never made room nor did I actually want to go. Which I find weird because I was never really close with my Grandpop while he was around, we still had our memories but it seemed as I grew older the less I saw of him. I use to help my Mother clean his house years ago and we use to still see him randomly when we would go out to eat but that became less and less frequent as I grew up. I mean I could easily blame my environment and ask why did no one invite him anywhere but honestly why the fuck didn't I? Why wasn't I a better grandson and go out and visit him? Those things never crossed my mind while he was still around but it became the classic case of you want what you  can't have. As he passed away those are the things I started to ask myself. I think the hardest thing about it was visiting him while he was in the hospital because you could tell he was happy to see me. He was unable to speak at the time but he grabbed my hand which is something he didn't do to anyone else in the room. Which just struck as like why me? Why my hand? Why not your daughters? It was kind of just a moment where I realized what I meant to him but also a moment where I realized I let someone who cared about me question whether or not I truly cared about him. You could say well you where there while he was in the hospital so that proves you care but it shouldn't take someone to be hospitalized for you to show you care.

I visited him on Friday and I guess it was suiting that it was raining that day. It was a bit weird going there considering how long it had been since I last visited him and how different my life was. I sat there and caught him up on my life, what I had accomplished and where I was going. Or I talked to myself, whichever you choose to believe. I brought some pennies and left them on a bench that was dedicated to him as he use to collect them, he had a collection on that bench from other family members leaving them as well. It was weird but it was nice that I finally visited his grave after so long but it is still hard to shake the feeling of missed chances and a missed relationship.

All these thoughts aren't anything new to me and they are something I have been juggling since he passed away. I like to think it helped change me to be a better person, to someone who is less selfish. Now I like to think I am someone that takes care of my friends and family, as someone who lets others know how much they mean to me by just being there for them. It is hard  going away to college and keeping up on staying close with all my friends and family who aren't as easy to contact or see anymore. I like to think that in the past year or so I have really grown closer to my family. I know I will actually go out to eat with my grandmother when she asks me and not just when I went to, I like to think I have started to do things to help out my parents more rather than just for myself. I would try and help my brothers but let us be honest here, Tom is a lost cause and Frank doesn't need any help.

Either way this isn't something I dwell on or lose sleep on as it happened and there is nothing I can really do about it. I have taken what I feel I should of from the situation and I have applied to to make myself a better person. I will always wish I was closer with him but that won't happen so now I will just make sure that I don't have the feeling of missed chances again when someone leaves. The message is pretty simple, take care and don't forget about the people that care about and love you. One day if they leave by choice or for reasons you can't change you might regret it.

Lastly the picture above is my Grandpop while he was in the US Army. Probably about to run over some damn commies.

College had half a day.

What am I doing home already? "Time flies" is a bit of an understatement when you talk about my freshmen year of college. I remember orientation, move in and freshmen week all like it was yesterday. Awkwardly meeting people on my floor who would shape to become some of the best friends I have ever made. My freshmen year was full of some great memories, some of which I probably shouldn't post on the internet. (No, nothing bad mom, it is clearly soda) ... I feel like I had to include that because she is one of the five people who will read this...

I lived in the dorm Hardwick which was connected to Johnson which had a cafeteria at the bottom of it which has an actual name but I don't know anyone that called it anything other than J&H. I think the best part of finishing freshmen year is knowing I will probably never have to eat at J&H again. Hardwick Hall was a traditional style dorm with a communal bathroom. Once you get past the human feces, piss and puke on the bathroom floor it is really a great environment, I still cannot get passed what would posses ANY human being to take a poop on the floor, even if they are intoxicated or on drugs. I am not the most out-going person in the world at first but it really didn't matter because I would leave my door open and people would just come in and introduce themselves. Generally first conversations where the awkward "What classes do you have?" or "Where are you from?" but I think the king of awkward was conversations was my RA who no matter what you said to him would always respond "Hey! How are you doing?". He would say that even if you asked him how his day was first. Either way those conversations started to die as we started to become closer friends. One thing I regret was sticking to myself in the beginning, as groups were forming around me but I was kind of hanging back a bit and not doing much. I was still friendly with everyone on my floor but it took a bit for the friendships to really take off. It took a few months until I met and actually became good friends with the kids who I spent the entire year with.

Is it a bit ironic that the hurricane that destroyed half of my home state was the day that I became good friends with the people I hangout with today? Or do I still fail to grasp the true idea of irony? Anyway. We were locked in our dorms so we brought my TV down to the lobby along with GameCube and played Super Smash Brothers for an insane amount of hours. This resulted in many more hours of playing that game in my room for the next few months. Mario was my character. Why you would think any other character is cooler is beyond me... I generally pick him for every game I get the chance, Mario Party, Mario Kart, you name it.

Either way I had an amazing time at college as I loved where I was at Temple and who I was there with. As the semester grew to a close, I was ready to get going though. I probably missed more work than I should have despite always leaving notes about what is due. At the end all everyone was doing was studying for exams so there wasn't much going on and the night-life of crappy parties at another frat house were getting duller than I can explain. I was ready to go home after a tough semester to see friends and family who I had not seen in forever and be in a familiar place. Almost all of my friends and I got home just about the same week so of course first thing is first. Denny's trip. As always it was great to see all my old friend's at the diner we abused while we were home. The next day I went out to The Wonder Year's pop-up shop and hung-out with Mike Kennedy (Drummer) and Josh Martin (Bassist) from the band and it was a great time. I personally loved Mike's personality, they are all awesome dudes but Mike just brings that extra energy that makes every conversation you have with him a memorable one.

It has been a little over a week now since I have been home and it really has been treating me well so far. I finally have had free time to do different things I had been planning on doing such as running, reading and writing without having school work to finish at the end of the day. I have seen my old friends but more importantly I have made new friends. Right now I feel like I have a perfect mix of the old and the new in my life. The new isn't just coming from college friends either, I am becoming good friends with people who have lived close to me all my life but I never took time to get to know them. I find it a shame I never did it before but better late then never I guess right? I also officially got the job working security at Revel Entertainment in Atlantic City and even though the 11pm-7am shift is going to kill me, I am more than excited to start working. Either way I am in a position to have a better summer than I did last summer and I am excited to see how everything plays out and where I will be in at the end of it. I know right now I love being home but don't worry, give it a few weeks and there will be a blog post about how much I want to go back to Temple.

So last few times I posted a song or a band I recommend so I figured why not switch it up a bit. Right now I am reading Looking For Alaska by John Green for the second time. It is a great read and I recommend it to anyone. I am just about done but I find it funny how it still plays with my emotions despite me already knowing the ending and what is going to happen. It is probably like $10 on amazon.com or even cheaper at Barnes and Noble. I hope you check it out and let me know your opinions of it! I am sure most of you have already read it though as it was published in 2005.

My bad on taking so long between posts but between exams, moving back home, seeing friends and other things I haven't had time to sit down and write this blog. Though I am sure many of you didn't lose sleep over it.

Why are you squeezing me with your body?

So my brother got my Mom flowers so  I guess this means I am obliged to write a blog post about how much I appreciate her now right? Either way every year my Mom gets the double of her birthday on May 10th then Mother's Day, which is good and bad. It must be nice to have your birthday so close to Mother's day but the negative? Well people like me will only give you one gift because that is how cheap people get by.

Either way I still don't understand how my Mom put up with me for 19 years, I guess I am lucky I have a patient Mother who cares about me. Just to be nice she usually denies it but everyone knows I was a little shit as a kid. She was always involved in my life considering she worked at my grade school then worked at my high school, I mean I know I was the best child and she likes me better than Tom and Frank but she did a bad job at hiding it from them. We all know the reason they stopped having children after me is because I am perfect but anyways I am getting off-topic. Though in all seriousness my parents knew how to raise us and taught us lessons that sadly not everyone has been taught and that all comes down to my Mom. As she was the one who was always home as my Dad could be gone for long hours or even days due to his job. Now that I am getting older I am facing different challenges than just getting an A on a test and she always has stood beside me. She always showed it with her random Hallmark cards she would leave me or little motivational books and while they are cheesy it is still nice to know someone cares. Even though as a teenager I didn't always want her help she would still be there for me. It was almost impossible to hide from her when I was feeling down, I guess a mother really does have her instincts. The earlier part of the year had been hard for me but she was always there for me helping me get through a tiny rough patch. Now we have become closer over the past few years, this year she has already gotten me to run two 5Ks with her and a few others from my family and it has been a lot of fun.

Today (Mother's Day) marked the second 5K we have done this year and my mother reached her goal of doing it in less than 35 minutes, it was nice to see knowing all the hard work she had put into reaching her goals. Granted it is a simple goal but seeing it will always give encouragement to others reaching their goals. I hope she enjoyed the day as much as I did. You are the best mother I could ask for and I love you.

Okay my feelings are getting all over the internet and I better stop. I will leave you with a much more epic picture. It is a shout-out to my grandmom who is just an overall badass straight out of South Philly. I mean just look at the picture below you, how is that not badass?

A job?

This past Sunday marked the last day of me working at the National Constitution Center in Philadelphia or for the summer at least. I started working there back in June of last year and it has really been a great experience for me and a very enjoyable one. History has been a subject I have always enjoyed, some of my friends know that more than others. I learned a lot of things there but not just about the Constitution or our founding fathers but it was a good real world experience. Granted I was a volunteer for most of my time there but I still was in an environment where the best was expected from me in whatever I was asked to do. I had a boss who luckily was enjoyable to work under but he still expected things to be done without a problem. I am happy I ended up working there rather than the usual jobs teenagers have such as working at Target or being a delivery boy. I made plenty of good friends by working here and they were all different in their own way. There were workers who were still in high school, others in graduate college and others who were retired and doing this for personal pleasure. I gained a lot of knowledge from working with the people I did, not just about history but about life and how to handle different things. They would tell me of their experiences as many of my friends were much older than I. I will still see most of them during the NCC softball games and hopefully we all stay in touch. I also loved meeting certain guests that came to visit, I mainly enjoyed foreigners but I am sure they hated me considering all I would do is talk about soccer. I remember one German family I met was on a time schedule but I delayed them a few minutes because we got caught up talking about soccer.

Now we got nice things out of the way time for the course of my general day. It would usually start off by me talking to the man to your left because no one was actually in the museum. Though as the day went on people came in and then the real conversations were sparked by the interesting questions such as "Where is the bathroom?" or "Where is the exit?" Both questions never ceased to amuse/annoy me considering there was signs pointing to both of those things. Now I was always polite but here, on the internet, I can talk smack and no one will know and it is great. I actually think my favorite part would be when I do my job and tell people no photography and then they start arguing or complaining to me. Like shit I didn't make the rules but maybe if you keep acting like that to someone who is just doing their job things might change. People just suck and it is all too prevalent if you put yourself out in the world. Most of you already knew that though.

I have to say though the area around my work was always really nice, a bit too touristy for it to be my favorite but still nice nevertheless. Above is a picture from the Grand Overlook of the NCC, which is a very nice view to have everyday. During the summer I would generally walk down Market to grab some food during my break as it was always nice out and just sitting in those grass areas on a bench is always relaxing. Just working in Independence Hall area has its perks. If anyone has any opportunity to work here or somewhere close by I would recommend it.

The reason I am leaving is because over the summer I will be working at Revel in Atlantic City as a security guard. I am pretty excited for this job despite the fact that I will be dealing with drunks and the hours will go until 2-3AM. Either way it will be interesting to be on the side that has to deal with drunks. People who go to bars and get drunk and act out probably don't take into consideration the people that will have to deal with them. Granted I already know i won't be "that guy" when I am 21 but still interesting to experience the other side that most people don't get to.

This summer is going to be a completely different one than last years and I am pretty excited about it all. It is pretty funny how much life changes in a year isn't it? No one expects it to but it always does, sometimes for the better but sometimes for the worse but it is all about how you look at it and how you deal with it. When one door closes, another opens or something. In reality you could just open whatever door you want because that is how doors work. Anyways all my friends went off and did who knows what at college but a trip to Denny's with all of them has been long overdue. I am excited to be home finally and sleep in my own bed, hopefully my family throws me a party. Though, I am sure in a few weeks I will be saying how I miss living at college.

I figured I could again include music at the end of my posts just like I did last time. This song is by Chunk! No, Captain Chunk! and it is from their new album "Pardon My French". Their type of music isn't high on my list as I am not huge on scream-o type music, especially this much, but their songs are just so catchy to me. They are from France so sometimes their lyrics are a bit weird. It seems they just use Google translator but either way I love it. Eventually I will go back and post all my favorite music but there is a lot coming out right now so I will try and stay up-to-date with it all!

Ask Jeeves

College is at the point where all the bad parts (work) are the things that are taking over your life rather than the fun parts (social life). Reality just generally sucks. I mean during the week in the middle of the semester I usually did like 2-3 hours of work but now I do like 2-3 hours work a day. It is quite a disheartening situation. I have been writing actual papers for school and it has gotten to the point where I literally have no idea what I am writing and I generally repeat myself and I don't know exactly what I am writing. My desk use to have video games and food all over it but now it has papers all over it and I don't even know what is on half of them but it makes me feel like I am doing work and have made progress. I am just about ready to give up on all these papers I am writing. Either way I still love college.

At least all my papers are pretty much over and the next week and a half I can pretend to study for my finals. I might go to the library for the second time this semester but that place creeps me out. Students actually doing work. Not sure I like that sight or the idea of that. In reality I probably should of headed to the library more and put more time into my school work but as a wise man once said "I am not a smart man". My mom tried to give me encouragement the other day by telling me to hang in there, which is nice but like do I have an option? It is either pass my classes or fail and live in my parent's basement.... actually that doesn't sound that bad of a deal assuming rent is free... and everything else is free. Either way this next week and a half will suck but I wish all my friends good luck on their finals and if for some reason a parent is reading this, you should probably put a few hundred $$ to boost their moral during these dark times.

Also in-case you live under a rock the new World Trade Center had its final pieces lift to the top. The final height? 1776 feet high which is the most American thing ever aside from the actual year 1776.

I have no awesome things to write about clearly as you can see my rambling as my mind is pretty much dried up from all the writing I have done this week.

I leave you with the new The Wonder Years song which is pretty good. You should probably check them out if you haven't already.I get to see these guys in a week!

25+ Years of Consistency.

Consistency. Well I guess you could call it that. I am someone who does not like a lot change in my life. I am the type of guy that has been wearing the same shoes for about two years and I have had the same style (basketball shorts and a t-shirt) for my entire life. I mean why change something that works? My shoes may be falling apart but they haven't fully died on me. I drove my 94 Toyota Corolla until it literally died on me. I still have the same friends I had since elementary school. There comes a time in our lives where things change and there is really nothing anyone can do about it. As much as I want to I can't live in my parents basement and have them put money on my account anytime I want to go do something. There are things call jobs or something we have to get. We go off to college to prepare our selves for the real world but honestly if the real world is full of (root) beer, late night with friends, intramural sports and minimal work well god damn I am excited. In all seriousness though there are changes I am looking forward too, I can't wait to live in another country for a semester, I can't wait to actually start a job and live on my own and really just get out and experience the world other than the tri-state area.

Mark Twain was onto something when he said "Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough" while I can't comment on the whiskey part because I am only 19 but he is right when he says too much of anything is bad. To me that applies to change too, you have to take everything in moderation. To change is to grow at times but you cannot just abandon the things that made you who you were, you shouldn't leave your friends, family or hometown behind just to achieve greater things. Success should not cloud your personality. I like to think I have been changing but at a rate where everyone would recognize my personality if I saw them today after not seeing them since leaving for college.

If there is one person I can look up to who stays true to his roots it has to be my Dad no doubt. That guy is just the man in every aspect of life. My Dad has been a truck driver for UPS since the dawn of time and rose up the ranks to the point where he drives a 24 wheeler and stepped on the plebeians on his way to the top. In his spare time he usually makes me feel like a loser in golf, or wiffle ball for when I was a kid. He might not think I hear his condescending laugh when I hit a ball into the woods or a bunker but I do. One day I will beat him. One day. Though if you look at my Dad the one thing that probably sticks out to you is a visible one. It is something he had since before he even met my Mom. His mustache. Now that thing is pretty much a legend among my friends. It is pretty much to the point where my friends respect his mustache more than respect me as a person but that is something I have accepted. Now as you can see here I am simply just a child but what stands out? The mustache. Even as a baby I couldn't function correctly because I was near such a legend which is evident by my empty stare into space wondering if I can ever match that facial hair. Normally people shave and give into time and change right? My Dad disagrees. To this day he is still more of a man than anyone I know. My Dad just shows that no matter how much life changes around you, you can always stay true to yourself if you work at it. I am sure my Mom complained more than once asking him to shave but my Dad was strong in being himself. In being a man.

I don't really have much of a legend but I am only 19 so I guess I can't really complain. I already have a t-shirt and a mug with my face on it though. I am a scholar and I will go off and do scholarly things with my life but I hope I can still stay true to everything that helped mold the person that I am. There is one thing I have been able to keep consistent and that is my level of swag. I mean look at how good I look as a kid in that Peter Pan outfit? That level of swag has yet to decrease.

 

Baby pictures, baby pictures everywhere!

The point of this blog post? To show everyone how awesome my Dad is and to remind people to stay true to their roots and be themselves no matter how much life changes.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Forgotten Bouncy Ball

When I was young I was amused by the simplest things at times but it seems almost every kid was. I mean seriously who would enjoy finger painting or jumping in a puddle aside from a kid? I guess I would still do both but if you look at me as an example of a adult you should look somewhere else. I enjoy Adventure Time too much for me to even consider myself a responsible adult. Well anyways as a kid I always enjoyed bouncy balls, I feel like I broke things with them but I honestly don't remember. What I do remember is I use to have transparent ones that had little Pokemon stuck in the middle of them and boy did I love Pokemon. I thought I was the biggest thing in Kindergarten because I had the biggest binder full of Pokemon cards, no one could touch me. Oh and my mom worked in the office so everyone knew me and that was cool too. Well anyways I use to play with those bouncy balls all the time
As you can see they seem pretty tiny right? Yup. I had two of them, one with a Squirtle and one with Pikachu. Either these bouncy balls didn't obey the laws of physics or I just didn't understand them as a kid, as I never admit mistakes we will go with the former. One day I was playing with them in my basement but that place was half bomb-shelter half actual basement. The room was about split half and half, right at the bottom of the steps you would make a left for the bomb shelter-type part or right for the actual basement. Now as soon as you turn left you will notice the entire area is packed with food, a fridge (with food!), different tools my Dad used but then, then there was the back of the bomb-shelter.

As a kid the back of the bomb-shelter was no man's land it was where the heater was along with random boxes of old things. I just didn't understand what exactly was back there and it was where I would always find crickets. I hated bugs as a kid. I always avoided walking back there as a kid because I had no reason to go back there and it was just creepy anyways. Though of course as a kid I had curiosity and I still wandered back there from time to time. I don't exactly remember why I walked down there that day but I did and I had my Squirtle bouncy ball with me and god damn was I bouncing that bad boy. I think it is safe to say I balled too hard that day as it was the day I lost my bouncy ball. I just remember it bounced behind boxes underneath a desk and was never to be seen again, I have gone back and looked a bit but boy that thing is gone forever. I was devastated. I loved bouncy balls. I loved Squirtle. Then I realized I still had other toys so I actually moved on quite fast.

I don't know why I remember losing that bouncy ball so clearly because it was something I did at a young age and got over almost instantly. As a kid I lost things like it was my job, I could not count all the times I went to my parents and said "I can't find ___" or "Where did you put ___" when in reality it was either in an obvious location or I was the one that lost it. It seems as me losing somethings is just something I have come to accept but never really understood why I lose the things I do. To this day I am still wondering where I dropped my pen or where I left my Temple ID at. Though I wish those were the biggest things I lost, as you grow up you start to lose bigger things and they start to have more of an affect of you. Yet out of all the things that I remember losing why do I remember this one? I just find it weird sometimes our brain latches onto something so insignificant in life and tells you it is a big deal when it really isn't.

 I have pretty much comes to terms that people lose things everyday whether it is a big thing or a small thing. I have lost items and people in my life and I will many more times before I am done here. Sometimes it is your fault, other times it isn't. Sometimes you lose a hand from a seal, sometimes someone just walks out on you. When you lose something I feel as though you aren't always meant to find it again, some things are meant to be lost. I mean could you imagine if I stayed in my basement all these years trying to find that ball? Buster could of been depressed about losing his hand but what does he do? He gets a bad-ass hook to replace it. Everything you lose can't directly be replaced but you will always find something better. It might take sometime for you to get over losing something but eventually you question why you ever cared why you lost that thing and hopefully not freak out on family when they joke about it. While losing something can be very frustrating, just remember all the things you still have. "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." - Mark Twain 

The past can be a comfortable place but don't get stuck in it.
"The flow of time is always cruel... Its speed seems different for each person, but no one can change it... A thing that does not change with time is a memory of younger days."-Sheik

Hidden Beauty

Recently several of my friends and I have started venturing around the city of Philadelphia and going to different abandoned sites, some old and abandoned factories and schools. What we have been doing is called urban exploring and for those of you too lazy to Google the definition if you are unsure, I will do that for you. It is something I find myself enjoying as you come across interesting items that have been left behind and breath-taking views of the city. So far the place I enjoyed visiting the most was an abandoned grade school that was just off my college's campus which we were able to walk to. It was only a few blocks away in which was a surprisingly nice neighborhood as compared to the general row homes that are located in North Philadelphia. As we walked through the school it had a bit of an eerie feel to it if you think that 20-30 years ago these halls were filled with young children who had copious amounts of energy and now it is just a building full of trash(Popeye's?), old books and most likely home to some resident. I found old test scores of students with their full names on it, while I obviously will never put a face to those names it is still weird to look at. Many of my friends were able to find different things around the school, some found records from a music class or a children's book from the library but no matter what it still amazes me all this was left here.

After walking around the school for a bit we made our way up to the roof of the school which was easily my favorite part of the adventure. It wasn't like any roof of a school I have seen before as it had what seemed to be a blacktop playground on the roof of the school. This was probably due to being in a city and having the lack of space to build around the school, so they had to build up.

Above is what the roof looked like, a giant caged area but with basketball nets and plenty of space to run around in. Obviously you can tell it is abandoned the second you look at it by the blacktop being broken at parts, graffiti, broken basketball nets and flooding. While it may not be a beauty now I am sure coming up here during the day was the highlight of many students when they were young and now it is virtually nothing. On the sides there are exits to the cage that lets you walk to the edge of the building and at the end of each side of the building there is a ladder that can bring you to even higher height and giving  you a beautiful view of the city.

While the view is beautiful I do wish we were a bit closer or higher but by no means is this disappointing. I just find it weird that a building as big as this could be just left to crumble. It is an area of the city that seems  to be building itself up and it has a view that many people wish they could have. Even if they remade it into something other than a school I don't understand why something with so much potential is left to waste away and rot and have a negative impact on its surrounding community.

Though honestly as I think about why we left this to waste, it became pretty apparent that our society just wastes something every chance they get. People sometimes don't realize the usefulness or beauty of something that is standing right in front of them and probably wouldn't realize even if slapped them in the face. Whether it is because they never cared or they have just become to comfortable with what they have. We can all be guilty of this, I work at the National Constitution Center in Center City but how many times do I brush off all the history in there? Or even the beauty of the area surrounding it? After working there for so long sometimes I take it for granted, I am blessed to be in such a position to be able to educate myself not only on the Constitution but down the street is Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell. I love everything about this city, it feels like home to me but even I can fall into the trap of complacency.

Assuming you watch Netflix and have a half decent humor you probably recognize the name of my blog. If you don't well then you are a poor poor soul who has been deprived of the best comedy TV show out there. My friends and I found this gem while we were walking through the school "There is always money in the banana stand." I love this episode and those scenes in Arrested Development and I feel that it applies to what I am talking about. (Don't you love it when things work out like that?) Michael's father George had made a banana stand to help raise money and promote the family business. Just before George was sent to jail he stored $250,000 cash (spoilers!)  in the walls of the banana stand but when his father uttered those words "There is always money in the banana stand" Michael never took them seriously and never looked at what his father was saying. Eventually he burns down the banana stand without realizing that there was money lining the walls of it. Not only that but Michael soon realized that the banana stand was one of the few things in the family business actually creating a profit for the company.

People should take a look at everything around them, find the things that have hidden beauty, find the people that care about you whether it is a family member or a friend. Find those things and cherish them because they deserved to be cherish. Trust me, it is easy to skip over the things that care about you or true beauty in life if you aren't looking close enough.

More importantly NEVER burn down the banana stand.

*These photos were taken by my friend Evan! If people want I could find a way to upload them here possibly or talk to him see if he can upload them somewhere and I will link them!*